How to write a new car press release

New car press releases aren't so much press releases as cliche-ridden sentences joined together like pieces of confetti.  In case anyone needs translation, here's some must-use words:

• acclaimed - we reckon so
• versatility - it's a SUV
• DNA - we've been making cars more than 10 years
• innovative - we've not done it before
• best-in-class - according to us, by our way of measuring
• confidence - just is, alright?
• exude - now you look at it, I suppose it does really
• contemporary - a word that sounds modern
• core - not of apples, no
• unique - tends not to be, try 'rare' or 'common'
• heritage - we've designed this curve in the same way as an 50 year old car to pay 'homage' to it
• lifestyle - designed to evoke mental images of carefree fun
• seduced - you'll think this car is sexy
• tempting - the car wants you think it's sexy
• essence - like core, but a foodie type word and thus cool
• distinctive character - it's got odd doorhandles
• design theme - saying the words makes it sound cool
• sustainability - go to be show-green
• footprint - as in smaller
• design language - the word 'language' implies an intelligent sophistication
• reimagined - see heritage, the old standby of simulatenously blending old and new
• groundbreaking - after homage has been paid to heritage, this is where your design language takes you
• bold new interpretation (double word score!) - same as reimagined
• heart  - implying human traits in a car, helps with the seduction

Some of the best phrases

and I swear they are all verbatim:

• trusted urban companion
• contemporary shape conveys confidence while combining refinement and an adventurous spirit in an intelligent and modern package
• striking personality; a sporty and casual car, for consumers who want to stand out and who want more from life, but in an intelligent and sustainable way
• ....gears up for its sales launch, there is a growing buzz amongst prospective buyers who have been seduced by the car's bold and radical approach.

will add more gems as I find them.

You always expect press releases to be a bit flowery and that's just fine, but now some of them are reading like an automotive Mills and Boon novel.